Get abuse support with narcissism, and self esteem. Reduce your stress.

Get abuse support with narcissism, and self esteem. Reduce your stress.

Get abuse support with narcissism, and self esteem. Reduce your stress.Get abuse support with narcissism, and self esteem. Reduce your stress.


communication, narcissism, success, abuse, negative mind chatter, stress, boundaries, love, courage

If you are living with abuse, I can guarantee that fear is one motivation to stop you and control you. The stress gets overwhelming. There are happenings going on around us that change our lives. The question we have to ask ourselves is whether we choose fear or courage. Fear puts out negative energy around us and draws more negative into our lives. Courage, a positive attitude puts out positive energy and draws more positive things into our lives.
One way fear takes hold of us is through negative mind chatter. This is occurring every day of our lives. By giving in to the small negative thoughts, it becomes more difficult to conquer the larger problems.

To move toward a higher level of courage, we need motivation. That means we want to improve our lives more than we want to stay where we are. Fears can decide actions. So how can we deal with those fears?

 Consider what your negative mind chatter is saying. Think about what fears your brain is protecting. Do the advantages of combating the negative mind chatter and the fears involved outweigh the disadvantages? If not, be honest with yourself.  

Advantages of Keeping the Fears

  • Stay a victim. I get to complain often
  • I get attention
  • People don't expect much from me
  • I can feel sorry for myself
  • I can do nasty things and have a built in excuse
  • I can stay comfortable

Disadvantages of Keeping the Fears

  • People are turned off by me
  • I don't accomplish anything
  • It's killing my spirit
  • It's killing my body 
  • I'm stressed out all the time
  • I have to depend on others
  • I'm getting attention, but it's negative

"Cheerfulness, it would appear, is a matter which depends fully as much on the state of things within,  as on the state of things without and around us." -- Charlotte Bronte

If, however, you have the courage to come up with a list of advantages for the effort, it's an attainable goal. Motivation begins with understanding what's going on. After that, ask yourself if you have a willingness to be honest with yourself. When you look at something you don't like about yourself, be willing to admit it and move on or do something about it. You can’t solve a problem until you know what it is. Symptoms only point to the problem.

Be aware of your negative mind chatter and understand what it says, what the motivation is and what the fear is that is driving you. Everyone has fears, but it is what you do about those fears that decides what kind of life you will have. 

You may want to ask yourself if your fears are deciding your life. It is a good thing to be prudent, to be careful, but after you have done that, override the fear. Remind yourself that you have chosen not to let fear decide what you will do and what you will not do.  Don't let it control you.

Worry is allowing you to feed the fear. It is when you have done all you can do about a situation, or realized that there is nothing you can do, yet you still dwell on it. It is putting out negative energy that decides how you will live.

If you have had a traumatic experience it may take some time to adjust. Mary lived in a house that was broken into and robbed. She wasn't home at the time and mostly replaceable items were taken, but every time she drove into the driveway she was afraid of what she would find and how she would react to it. She had to feel the fear and tell herself that it would not stop her. She would not move or try to stay home. Some robbers were not going to rob her of her life and her peace of mind. 

This was a minor happening. There are people who have gone through much worse and will go through much worse in the future. The question still is, "Will I let fear decide the quality of my life or will I decide?"

You are stronger than you know. Always remember your strengths.  It might be a good idea to list your strengths and look at that list every once in a while.

Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

-- Frank Outlaw

If you believe you are in a physically dangerous situation, call a Woman's Abuse Center and make arrangements to leave the situation now. Do not let anyone know what you are planning.

It’s your life!  Appreciate it!  Enjoy it!

© LifeSkills International 2014 

by Betty Eddy. Duplication with attribution permitted and encouraged.

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