Control is the misuse of power, the process of taking away your right to choose your actions, your words or your attitude about yourself. Abuse comes in many forms. If you feel you are being abused and controlled, look at what it is in reality so you will know you are not going crazy.
WHO CONTROLS YOU?
Any person you give power to or make an authority over you can use that power against you. It becomes narcissism, emotional abuse when they diminish you in any way. Frequently, they don’t take responsibility for their abuse.
HOW THEY CONTROL YOU
Directly, out of fear. Fear of physical or emotional harm by threatening or actually harming you.
Indirectly by Manipulation
Passive aggression - make you pay for not being controlled, but not held responsible for their actions.
WHY THEY CONTROL YOU?
They frequently believe that they are very nice people, but they are small people, insecure and afraid. They are empty, needy people. They don’t believe they have any personal power or security within themselves so they feel they must take power from you to survive. Controllers live in a win/lose reality. They will win at all cost, even at your expense. They believe that being controlled (losing) places them in an inferior position. They think your reality is the same as theirs.
You are living in a win/win reality. You want an equal relationship and don’t expect anyone to lose. You expect cooperation and an open mind. You expect them to accept you.
"People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
WHY YOU ARE VULNERABLE TO BEING CONTROLLED?
WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT?
Recognize when you are being controlled. You feel:
When you feel uncomfortable about a statement or action, consider that something is wrong. Either your perception is wrong or they have overstepped your boundaries. Share your feelings with them. If your feelings are ignored or invalidated or you are afraid to share your feelings, you are being controlled.
Stop reacting. Another person cannot control you if you do not let them. This is easier said than done.
Self-trust is the first secret of success. So believe in and trust yourself. Decide that you are your final authority for your thoughts, words, feelings or actions. Don’t give the other person authority to validate your worth. You can accept their actions, argue, or recognize that the action is based in their reality. Trying to convince them that they are wrong is ignoring their reality. Choose how you will act and what you will say and do based on what is best for you.
It’s YOUR life! Appreciate it! Enjoy it!
© LifeSkills International 2013 by Betty Eddy. Duplication with attribution permitted and encouraged. http://abuse.support
IF YOU FEEL YOU ARE BEING PHYSICALLY ABUSED, CALL YOUR LOCAL WOMEN'S ABUSE CENTER. LOOK UP THE PHONE NUMBER NOW!
I am NOT affiliated with Life Skills International at lifeskillsintl.org, founded by Dr. Paul Hegstrom. I help abused victims. I do not try to help abusers. That is beyond my scope.
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